The Henderson 400

[OldGreen]

I thought I'd go ahead and throw my $.02 in on Henderson.

1. The crazy boys from Washington loaded up in 'mater, my 2001 Excursion, on Thursday night and hit the road at about 8:30PM. I was in the pilot's chair with "Fozzy" Walters riding shotgun. DonGato was in the back all spooned up with Jose the "Rumblegoat".

2. Deadman's pass: The crew was still pretty amped up about the trip when we began our ascension of the blue mountains. To this point, we had encountered some pretty thick fog, but Cabbage Hill, Deadman's Pass and the Blue Mountain summit at Meacham were a trio of white outs. The fog combined with a fierce headwind and driving, drifting, blowing snow was a real test of nerves. 4WD engaged, we traveled dead center down the freeway, only picking a lane to pass trucks. There were no cars on the road. They stayed home. At LaGrande, OR, the roads cleared enough to get back to "hauling a$$" speed and 'mater settled in for a long trip. From here on in, EVERYTHING was funny and we laughed until it hurt.

3. Round about Baker City, the GAS really started to take hold. First off, if you haven't seen "Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas". . .go rent that now. With the roads cleared up, we relaxed a little and. . .well. . .we nearly had to evacuate 'mater a couple of times. Fozzy took over as wheel man at Ontario while Jose and I checked out the Idaho welcome center. Back on the road, I settled in for a long nap. Suddenly, we were in Mountain Home, ID, oggling the REAL Napoleon Dynamite pacing back and forth in a combination Chevron/Burger King at 2AM. Not a lot of branches on the family trees in that part of Idaho. On into the night we journeyed.

4. 4 becomes 2. At Twin Falls the GPS pointed us to Hiway 93 and Jackpot Nevada. We made it 1/2 way, Jose took the wheel, Fozzy took a nap, and it was a balmy 10 degrees on the outside. Still bucking a headwind, 'mater was getting 12mpg at 75mph. Jose managed to overkill a few rabbits on "bunny alley" but there was no fresh carnage. Past the "ranches" in Wells and on to Ely and a well needed sunrise breakfast at McD's.

5. Blizzardolicious. Don took the wheel in. . .Ely I think. . .and I got back in the co-dog seat. A series of gun barrel roads followed and our minds wandered as we watched the scenery pass as 'mater lumbered down the 2 lane tarmac on auto pilot. The headwind was BRUTAL. We thought that 'mater might loose its Pirate Mickey antenna ball so I rolled down the window and attempted to grab it. Combine our 75mph with a 50mph headwind and it took EVERYTHING I had to get my hands on the ball. No sooner had I re-buckled my seat belt than the snow began. . .snow. . .??? WTF is that doing in central Nevada. . .either way, we ran through a Blizzard for several miles in 4wd.

6. Home stretch. After making a little fun of the locals in Caliente (trailer trash bumper stickers and rat-faced inbred facial features. . .give us a break, we were tired and everything was funny) we rolled on in to the Lost Wages Speedway just in time for the rain to start. After a quick check in with Dave, we drove to Henderson and searched for him until we realized we were on the wrong side of the shut down main street. . .duh. . .It was like a family reunion when we finally found the Blakelys and the Pinions. . .stories were exchanged, waitresses flirted with (a little tooo successfully. . .I just wanted a free salad, but she wanted to give me the "bonus plan"), lunch was served and we parted ways so they could get back to the hotel and we could check out the rain drenched contingency row.

7. Jean. . .where's Jean? After gawking at the trucks and buggies heading through tech in the rain, we bought a few t-shirts and headed over to Dave's hotel to load up the rest of our pit gear. We already had a welder, generator, tools, straps, lights, etc. . .but we still needed the Xterra specific parts and fluids. After loading up, 'mater's roof rack basket and hitch rack were full up along with the entire back of the truck. . .we were ready. On the other hand, we still had the evening to kill. Since we were parched and just a tad road weary (20 hours AFTER starting our adventure), we headed into Sam's Town for a beverage then set off to find the Gold Strike in Jean. The answer to the question is: Jean is NOWHERE. . .man, that place is remote. . .but we were going to man the "remote" pit and it was on the other side of the mountains from Henderson, so it made sense to sleep closer to "work".

8. The Gold Strike has some good qualities. First, it is "historic". Then, it is fairly tidy. Finally, the food is FANTASTIC and DIRT CHEAP. However, a word to the wise. . .do not gamble at the Gold Strike. I'm pretty sure that all of the games are rigged. Beer is only $1.50 anyway so you are better off just watching the singer and paying for a beverage. We hit the rack at about 11PM. Company policy is that we severely limit our recreational activities the night before a race. So a couple of beers, a great dinner, and a long nap were in order.

9. Race day. . .or race morning. Fast forward to 5:30 AM on Saturday morning. Jose Leaps out of bed and proclaims: LET'S GO RACING!!! The rest of us tried to plot a way to kill him and bury him in the desert while he was in the shower, but. . .boys will be boys so we had a short fist fight to shake the cobwebs out instead. That went really well until Fozzy thought that pinching was legal in a pre-dawn warm up fight. . .I still have welts. Down for breakfast. . .man that place has good food. And off to the races. We found Doug in the pits easily and set up next to him. We did it RIGHT. Canopy up, gear out and organized, hoses and wires buried in the ground to eliminate tripping hazards, generator exhaust routed properly, kitchen table out and ready to prep lunch, water bottles lined up for Dave and Robert and we even had the proper wrenches lined up in the proper order to check the Xterra for torque.

10. The Race. . .err. . .BBQ. After the first several Class 1500 and TT came by, Doug got word on the radio that both the 1199 and the 3112 were out of the race. Needless to say, we were a little bum-bed. Heck, I had my goggles on and tools in my hands!!! So, we pouted for a few minutes and everybody said, "That's Racin'" a few times, then we decided to check out some of the other pits and have ourselves a BBQ. We grilled up some marinated carne asada and some pork ribs. Wrapped in a tortilla with hot sauce, cheese and chipotle peppers, these tacos were just the ticket to cure our broke down blues. We nearly ate ourselves into a coma and had a great time watching the race. The other pit crews were visibly jealous of our fair. We did "buddy up" with the Dixon Brother's crew and gave them a couple of tacos. Nice folks. The Jeepspeed guys, in typical form, put on a great show launching off of a jump right in the pits. I think we've got pics somewhere. Anyway, in spite of the cold wind and the broken race cars, we managed to have a fantastic time and I think we only got in one or two more fist fights with each other.

11. Back to Henderson. After the last of the fast classes came by and we confirmed the Dixon truck had come by for the last time AND the Herling brothers came back to our pit to retrieve their busted a$$ exploder, we packed up and headed back down the strip and out Flamingo to the Boulder Hiway and Sam's Town to meet Dave, get his parts back to him, and use the facilities. Dave's tow rig had given him some drama so we talked about that and made some preliminary plans to make plans for next years planning meeting. All the while, we got to watch a dude sleeping while sitting up at a slot machine. . .The Vegas is a Cruel Mistress.

12. 4 guys and a Town. Well. . .it was early, we were feeling pretty good and we had to drive through Vegas anyway so we decided if we could do some damage to Vegas on the way back to Jean. 'mater is pretty tall with the roof basket on so it took some time to find a parking garage that would accommodate his massive size. Jose would ride on the running board to confirm clearance and we'd back out if we were too tall. The Imperial Palace seemed to be the ticket. Our plan was to walk down the strip and Check out the Planet Hollywood Casino if there was too long of a wait at Margaritaville. Of course, we had to stop for a drink in every place along the way. At the Margarita bar at Bill's Casino, I saw a cocktail waitress that I knew from college. . .for the second time in 13 years. She must be good at her job. Eventually, we made it to Paris. The plan was to have a quick potty break, a drink at the bar and then walk next door to Planet Hollywood. Pretty soon, Jose and I found Don and Fozzy at the Cabaret Bar listening to a ROCKIN' band fronted by two very, very, extremely HAWT girls. http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fu ... =133237793 is the one that Fozzy got to know. She even put his name in a few of the songs (he gave her his real name. . .Steve. . .). Not only that, there were 5 middle aged women dancing with him at all times. It was PRICELESS. One of the women's husbands even came over to ask if we had a camera so he could take a picture. Fozzy was in rare form and we all really enjoyed the show. After the band's set was over, we realized that Jose was about one Sierra Nevada away from "Obnoxious" so we decided to work our way back to the Imperial Palace so that our designated driver ( me ) could get us safely back to the Gold Strike before things took a downward spiral. Plus, Jose wanted waffles and the gold strike seemed like just the place.

12. Interlude. Jose and Fozzy went to the cafe for French Toast and a milkshake. Don and I got a head start on some shuteye. 5AM comes early and 11PM felt really late.

13. And we're off. . .sorta. The alarm failed and we got out of bed at about 5:30AM. After a quick shower and another fantastic Gold Strike breakfast, we hit the road. Exactly 8 minutes and 35 seconds later we stoppped. For over 4 hours. On the freeway. There had been a wreck that had prompted DOT to close two lanes. Someone tried to be a race car driver and didn't make the merge. Boom, Crash, Dead x3. Not good. We made the best of it by dancing in the road, making plans, telling jokes, etc. Finally, Fozzy had to #2. Think about that. . .the middle of the Nevada desert with an audience of 1000s of people. Needless to say, he took quite a hike. The trouble is that there are no bushes big enough to hide behind AND there was another road (Las Vegas Blvd) between us and the boondocks. Needless to say, we were very entertained. Outside of our group, patience was thin and tempers were short. We felt lucky to be alive.

14. Finally. . .some movement. Some time around noon we were rerouted the nine miles back to Jean and then up LV Blvd to remerge with I15 just below South Pointe. Topped off with gas and gas causing Burgers, we hit the road and I, needless to say, hit the sack. The first 3/4 of the drive was uneventful. We had dinner in. . .BF, Nevada, and I woke up for the last time around Jackpot. We had reports that the Freeway had been closed from Ontario to Lagrand and again near the Umatilla Reservation outside of Pendleton due to blowing snow. At Twin Falls, I took over from Fozzy in the driver's saddle and flew into Boise in an hour and a half. Fuel. On to Ontario. Stretch and Potty break at Farewell Bend to find out that the road was open, but dicey. We white knuckled it for most of the way from Baker City to Pendleton. Once we got out of the weather and I could relax, I nearly blacked out. I was so exhausted that I didn't think that I could make the next exit. Needless to say, Don brought her home from there and we rolled up to Jose's to unload at about 5:30AM. 24 hours after the homeward bound journey started.

So, Hovey may have overalled the race, but the crazy pit crew from Washington OWNED the Henderson 400. Sometimes, "Living the Dream" is not exactly what you expect. Sometimes it is better. It is always exhausting.

See you in Parker. . .if you can hang.

Jim Moss
Team Xterra Racing Pit Crew
Rumblegoat Racing Principal

[Grumpy]

Yeah, at 10 they tell old Dad they're gonna camp in Boise for the nite, so me, I go to bed all fat, dumb, and full of peppermint ice cream . Imagine my surprise when Susan wakes me at 5 and says the boys are home Perfectly in character for all four of 'em Just wish I coulda been in on the trip Oh, Jim, about your story